What I miss about the USA

Since my 40 day trip here in Paris is coming to a close and it's the Fourth of July, I thought I'd share with you a few very tangible things I miss about the USA. No, I don't mean my family or fella or friends or pups. I don't even mean things like freedom and patriotism and the American Dream. My list is much more down to earth and simplistic. These are the things I've missed the most.

Oh, how I miss thee -

Ice - cubed, crushed, for free whenever I want it without any strange looks from anyone when I ask for more, in my freezer waiting for my every whim

Air conditioning - air so cold that I need a sweater, blowing forcefully through the vents of my home and car, sending little goosebumps across my skin, making my throat ache the next morning bc the air was so cold all night

Fountain cokes - with the right amount of carbonation and sugar, missing the strange whang that I taste here, burning the back of my throat at that first greedy swallow

Space - personal space standing in line or at a shop, living space at home for all my things, backyard space to enjoy nature without anyone else around, sleeping space in my nice big bed at home on the ground

Mexican food - oh, the chips and salsa, the cheese dip, the fajitas, the guacamole, how I long for thy spicy goodness

Hair color - oh, the frost on the fields is showing after 5 weeks away; I need to work thy raven magic and cover those silver strands ASAP

Internet - unlimited, 4G, it's why I sold my soul to AT&T, wherefore art thou internet free?

Lol - in just about a week, I'll be home and enjoying all of these things. For today, I'm headed out to have a picnic with my Parisian friend, Caroline. Isn't that such a 4th of Juky thing to do? Happy birthday, America!

Top 10 Things to do in Paris when it's 100 degrees

As you might have heard from my whining on Facebook or Instagram, the weather this week in Paris has been quite warm, record-setting in fact. Temps on Wednesday reached 104 in the city, and every day from this past Tuesday until next Wednesday are forecast at 90 or above. Paris just doesn't get heat waves like this very often, certainly not before August and not for several days in a row.

While I live normally in a place that is unbearable hot from June-September and have temps above 90 most of the summer, we handle it in a most civilized manner: we stay indoors with extremely powerful ac unless we're interacting with a body of water somehow. We also serve lots of drinks with ice, glorious ice in both cubed and crushed form. Wait, sorry, I had a bit of an out of body experience there thinking about ice. Well, it doesn't work like that in Paris since most places to not have ac. In fact, my apartment doesn't have ac. And Parisians also seem to have something against ice. What's a Siuthern girl to do to survive this heat?

While this is only day 3 of the week long heat wave, here are the things that are working for me thus far.

1.  Get a fan for your living space. My landlord came by on Monday and installed a fabulous ceiling fan; I'm never turning it off.

2.  Keep windows and blinds shut anytime the temp outside is warmer than your temp inside. When it stops outside, open up windows to cool off your stuffy interior. Leave windows open overnight if safe to do so. Close them again early the next day before outside temps increase.

3.  Wear clothing that is light colored and of natural fiber, otherwise your body will have trouble cooling itself by sweating. Avoid anything tight or dark. Wear your hair up off your neck and away from your. Face. Wear extra deodorant; for everyone's sake, please do this. (I also add some under the boobs, just a tip.) also, if you experience deodorant failure, please don't stand in front of me on the metro with your arm stretched super tall so that I am in direct line of fire from your pit. Stand in the back and hold on to the railing on the side of you, 'kay?

4.  Drink, drink, drink. And not wine or cocktails. (I know; life is cruel.)  Drink water or juice even if you don't feel thirsty. If you get a soft drink (like me), drink that much water with it too. It was so hot yesterday, that I only peed once in like 10 hours even though I drank a lot.  I felt sort of sick and just 'off,' so I knew the heat was getting to me. After drinking quite a bit more & getting in out of the heat, I started feeling better.

5.  Go to the grocery store. I hopped into Monoprix looking for a snack and a drink and almost swooned in joy as I walked yo the freezer section. Did you hear that? Oh, that's just a heavenly chorus of angels singing. It took all of the willpower I had not to skip through the aisles, fling myself into the dairy section, and roll deliriously amidst the refrigerated goods. I spent at least half an hour looking at stuff I had no intention of buying bc it felt so good to be there. Alleluia, amen.


6.  Find yourself a shady spot in a garden and stay there. On Tuesday, it was 97 in the city. I hung out in Jardin les Plantes on a bench and sketched and people-watched for a couple of hours. I found that if I didn't move and if I occasionally fanned myself when the breeze stopped, the only sweaty parts of me were my back and the back of my knees. I could live with that.

7.  Avoid riding the metro during rush hour. Self-explanatory, don't you think?

8.  Go to the movies or the mall and spend the hottest part of the day there, apparently 3-8 pm here. Wednesday, I went to Les Halles and saw Jurassic World. It was only 4 euro; I bought a fountain coke, and it had 6 pieces of ice in it! That's huge, people! Granted, the carbonation was 'off' somehow, but I'll take it. The theater was air conditioned and a comfortable 78 degrees I'd guess. (At home, it'd be 68, but it was much better than 100+ outside.)

9.  Indulge in cold and high water foods - Popsicles, ice cream, slushes (not that I've seen any in Paris, but a girl can dream), fruit, salads, gazpacho, etc. Dang, I'd kill somebody for a cherry slush right now!  Notice the cold club sandwich + salad + water in the pic below.

10. Buy a handheld fan and use it whenever the air is still or you begin to sweat. I'm like Scarlett O'Hara fanning myself on the metro, and I am not ashamed. Old girl is hot!

And a bonus - take a lukewarm shower as soon as you get home for the night. Don't forget to shampoo your hair! This cools me off, cleans me up, and is often enough to help me fall asleep.

Paris, I love you, but this week you've been almost too hot to handle!

I'll be back

Still recuperating from the trip to Normandy & no wifi - I'll be back with a new blog post Monday morning. Sorry for the delay!

10 Thing I Hate About Europe

Today's post is another one of my attempts to keep it real, so I hope you'll read it without thinking that I'm being ungrateful or that I'm bashing others. While my trip to Paris has been amazing thus far, there are some things about Europe (and Paris) that I don't particularly like. Take a look:

1.  Lack of ice - I prefer my drinks with several ice cubes, preferably crushed. Fuhgeddaboutit, they don't share my affinity for ice on this side of the Pond.

2.  Few comfy chairs - no wonder the French get a bad rep for being grouchy; it must be bc there are like 3 comfy chairs in the entire country. I mean, I'm estimating because I haven't actually found any of these elusive comfy chairs yet myself.

3. Strong body odor - this is really noticeable for me when riding the metro. Certainly, the temps change so much that it's impossible not to get sweaty. But there's a difference between sweaty with slight body odor and knock your socks off, nostril burning, make your head swim body stink. The latter makes me dread crowded metro cars on a stuffy or muggy day.

4. Steps, thousands of steps - while I know all of this stair climbing is good cardio and good for toning my thighs and tush, I do get a bit tired of constantly facing dozens of steps in any direction I go. (Living in Montmartre gas only highlighted this dislike.) After a long day, knowing that I have 39 steps out of the metro + a 3 minute walk + 87 steps straight up to my apartment is sometimes more than I can handle. And yet, I haven't been found sobbing on the street corner at the bottom of the steps yet; somehow, I persevere.

5.  Smokers, smokers everywhere - thankfully, no one smokes indoors, but I've had many a lovely meal made difficult by chain smokers on either side of me at sidewalk cafes. Since part of the European dining experience is to eat outdoors whenever possible, I just hold my breath, fan the smoke away, and try to not think about the secondhand smoke dirtying my virgin lungs.

6. So many coins - besides the 'normal' coin amounts, 1 and 2 euro denominations are also coins. That can make for a heavy change purse to lug around in your bag constantly. Plus, if you aren't careful, you might tip or donate more than you meant because you think 'it's just coins.'

7. Dog poop - a lot of it. I love my dogs dearly, and I also love that they poop in my backyard; then I mow over it, and it fertilizes my grass. Win - win. Here in the city, lots of people have adorable dogs that must be walked regularly, but almost no one picks up after his dog. I've stepped in a couple of messes already and spent the rest of the day trying to escape the odor of dog poop ground into the sole of my shoes. Ick!

8.  Being on constant alert - while this is prob more a big city issue than technically a European one, I get tired of being on constant alert against pickpockets and scammers. I don't like to look at others as potential thieves/adversaries, but traveling in large cities will definitely do that to you. It gets old keeping your bag across your body and your hand on the zipper, even when you're eating dinner. It gets old having selfie sticks or petitions or Eiffel Tower key chains stuck in your face at every turn. I understand these people are just trying to make a living, but it becomes obnoxious when you deal with it every single day.

9.  No freezer, no clothes dryer, no patio space - these are the things that I'm missing in my apartment. While it doesn't ruin my quality of life or anything dramatic like that, it does remind me of things I miss about my own home. What a luxury to have ice! How wonderful to dry my clothes instead of hanging them! Sitting on the patio in a comfy chair at the end of the day is something I used to take for granted. I get the feeling that most people here in Paris don't have those things either. On a recent tour, the guide told me that my 30 square meter flat was a veritable mansion here in Paris. To me, it's like living in only my living room at home would be. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

10.  Trash and graffiti - yes, I find them both offensive. Here in Paris, it seems that there are multiple trash and recycling pickups each week, but trash does collect in stairwells and in heavily populated tourist areas pretty quickly. I think tourists themselves need to be more considerate and responsible with their trash. While I will admit that some graffiti can be considered street art, I despise the tags of gang signs and random words/numbers on the sides of buildings and even monuments. (Graffiti is much more prevalent in Italy than anywhere else I've traveled, btw.) if your 'art' sends a real message and improves the appearance of a place, that's one thing. Unfortunately, most graffiti doesn't accomplish that, at least in my opinion.

There you have it. I'm exactly halfway through my trip, and these are the things that I really don't like about Europe at this point. Of course, these are my opinions, so you might not agree. I'm not expecting Europe to change for me, but these are the things I've found most challenging about living here the last three weeks. What about you? If you've traveled here, what frustrated you? Oh, and don't worry, I'll soon be sharing a things I love about Europe post too. Ciao for now!

Paris - the street where I live

 corner market with a very sweet clerk, Rashid

 view from one end of my street

 view from a different direction

 87 steps from the street below mine; if I go around, its much longer but easier on my tush and calves

beautiful greenery along a wall

 view from the park at the end of my street

 Place Emile Godreau - a gorgeous "park" at the end of my street

 a park bench there - oh, and there's wifi from a nearby hotel too :)

 Parisian water fountain in the park - there isnt a place to put your mouth, thank goodness

 see how steep my street becomes on the far end? that's where my apartment is.

 my street sign

 and my front door on the left with the heart on it

I hope y'all don't get sick of my posts about Paris; there's just so much to see and share.

Senior Notes

These notes make my heart full. I'm pretty sure these kids have no idea how much their words mean to me. I thought you might like seeing what they had to say. :) 

While I didn't make it to any grad parties this year because of other obligations, it was definitely nice to be invited.

Standardized testing - a 'come to Jesus' blog post

Happy Standardized Testing Season, everyone! Since the third week of April, our school has had students engaged in some sort of standardized testing almost every day, starting with EOCs (or End of Course assessments) then AP testing, then ODP (On Demand Writing Prompts). Of course, that doesn't even count the state mandated testing that occurred at other points in the year - PLAN, EXPLORE, K-PREP, ACT - or the optional tests that students are encouraged to take - PSAT, ASVAB, SAT.

Here's a look at one of our recent set-ups for testing about 300 sophomores in the arena for EOC exams. (EOC exams occur in core content classes like English II, Algebra II, Biology, and U.S. History.) 

Interestingly enough, I don't have a problem with the idea of standardized testing as one measurement of student learning. I believe that there is some merit in testing all students on a single measurement to gauge how they stack up against their peers and against basic sets of expectations. Should that be the only measurement considered when making decisions about a child's success or academic future? Certainly not. But used together with classroom performance and letters of reference and individualized writing/interviews, it can be a useful tool.

I do not believe, however, that schools (or teachers) should be punished based on the performance of their students. Other professionals are not measured by the behavior of their clientele. Attorneys aren't punished for the recidivism rate of their clients. Doctors aren't penalized for the disease and/or death rate of their patients. Priests aren't penalized for the sins of their parishioners. Nurses aren't punished for the amount of pain medicines their patients need. Personnel managers aren't penalized for workers who must be fired for bad behavior or who quit to work elsewhere. When we talk about careers where clients make most of the decisions and professionals provide services, the responsibility for good behavior falls to the clientele.  This is true in almost every case except public education.

In public education, if anyone is at fault for any problem, it must be the schools themselves, or more specifically, its teachers. Certainly, any failure cannot possibly be attributed to the incredibly high rate of poverty many students experience. I'm sure that my test prep strategies will compensate for whatever else might be lacking in the lives of the 60% of my students who qualify for free/reduced lunch. Certainly, any failure cannot possibly be attributed to the incredibly high number of parents who have been forced to work long hours and nights and weekends leaving children mainly to fend for themselves after the age of eight or so.  Certainly, any failure cannot possibly be attributed to the number of children who have experienced hunger in their lives, many of whom do so regularly even into their teenage years. It's true, any failure could have no connection to drug or alcohol use (either by parents or children themselves). Any failure could not be the result of inadequate health care or mental health support. It couldn't possibly be related to parents who are incarcerated or who are abusive or who are apathetic. I'm sure that students who are political or cultural or economic refugees will have the same amount of success as any other student. Certainly, it's not possible that students with learning disabilities or who are learning English as a second or third language could struggle on standardized exams. I see no reason why students who work for 20 or 30 or 40 hours per week wouldn't be successful on standardized exams. As you can see, the odds of success are indeed stacked against many students through no fault of their own. Those same odds against success are stacked against their schools. The problems our schools face, the problems our students face are indicative of problems in our culture and not one specific governmental entity, like public schools.

Of course, what's really at issue isn't the serious, bureaucratic, focused, funded attempt to fix any of those problems. All we need to do as a country is raise our test scores. Then, we can say that we are successful. I mean, test scores are really the primary indicator of current and future success. If those blasted teachers would just do their jobs correctly, then our children would all be knocking those test scores out of the park!  How many variations of that message have you seen in the newspaper and on the news and on social media?

Honestly, I have a problem with that line of thinking. I can teach to the test. I can give students strategies to help them take the test. We can practice sample tests ahead of time and talk about why the answers are correct/incorrect. I can even threaten and cajole and encourage them. But when it comes right down to it, the students take the test. The students have to show what they have learned. The students have a responsibility to give the test their best effort. And yet, the students have little or no incentive to perform. Most of the time, the scores on these tests have no direct impact on a student's grade or academic future. (EOCs are an exception since they do count as the final exam grade for a course at our school; ACT does have an impact on college entrance.)

Think about this truth - while I am not sitting in that desk and taking that exam, I am being judged by my students' performances. I have much more at stake in their success than they do. I care much more about the exam than they do. Doesn't there seem to be something inherently wrong with that picture?

Please don't get me started on the issue of our nation selling its academic soul to Pearson; that's another rant for another day.

Here I am in my backyard looking thrilled after a long day of testing...

If you are interested in the topic of standardized testing, you might want to check out this article.
Education Reform's Big Lie

Peace out, everybody. School is almost out for summer, and I definitely need a bit of a break. :)

Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?

I don't think I tell you this often enough, Kelsey, but I'm very proud of you.

I'm proud of your work ethic. It takes a lot of self-discipline to go to school full-time and to work three part-time jobs, especially when the jobs are very physically demanding. Whether you're working as a hairdresser or as a dance teacher or as a nanny, I know that you give your best effort at your workplaces. Even when you're stressed out or sick, you suck it up and you show up. I respect that about you.

I'm proud of your intellect. You work hard to earn good grades, but there have been times you made mistakes and didn't perform as well as you wanted. Your intellect enabled you to regroup and make better academic decisions. You think things through, plan, and act accordingly. You let your brain instead of your emotions guide you most of the time. I'm so glad that you have the intellectual capability to lead a rational life.

I'm proud of your humor. When you call me to tell me a silly story or a bit of ironic news, I get so much enjoyment out of your sense of humor. You are wry and sarcastic and command language in a way that reminds me how quick-witted you are. Most importantly though, your humor is almost never directed at someone else. I don't like people who are mean-spirited in their humor, and you haven't chosen that path. Your humor is more of the "life is crazy" or self-deprecating sort. I can't imagine where you picked up that tendency. ;)

I'm proud of your kindness. While you don't necessarily wear that kindness for all to see, I know the soft heart that you possess. You love animals and little kids and the elderly. You are by your nature a nurturer, even though that might surprise some people. Like me, you guard that part of yourself from people who don't know you well. When I catch your moments of tenderness, it fills me with a sense of pride and happiness that's hard to explain. I know I had something to do with that; I know your tenderness makes the world a little bit better place.

I'm proud of your relationships.  This picture of Jake is a great reminder to me that you are in a committed relationship that makes you happy. I'm so glad that is true. I'm also proud of your friendships among people of different religions, races, ethnicities, ages, educational levels, and interests. You truly are someone who sees others for who they are and accepts them.  Related to your kindness, your ability to form and maintain relationships makes me feel like I may have just done some of that parenting stuff correctly.

So, yeah, I'm proud of the woman you already are, and I can't wait to see how you continue to grow and change. Mama loves her Bug!

Overscheduled and Overwrought

I need to learn how to say no. Not so much to chores - I have no problem saying no to that kind of thing. No, I need to learn how to say no to fun things and do the things that must be done or at least stay home and rest. But it's so hard.

If my friend wants to meet for cocktails after work,how can I say no?
If the fella wants to go to a play or a ballgame or a movie or an event, how could I turn that down?
If Kelsey wants to meet for dinner or go shopping,  you know I can't tell my baby no thanks, right?

And yet, I find that there are times in my life when I feel so overscheduled that I'm overwrought and worn down. That's when I get sick. That's when I get a migraine. That's when my heart beats fast, and I have anxiety. That's when I don't sleep well, when my stomach gives me trouble, when I'm extra irritable. Being overscheduled affects my physical and mental well-being. I know this, but it's hard to put the changes into action that are needed.

Part of what creates this sense of overscheduling is my very busy work calendar. Yes, I teach high school full-time in a traditional brick and mortar school. What you might not know is that I also teach ESS (after school tutoring) two afternoons a week, an adult night class (for students who didn't graduate on time) one evening a week, an online class (for students who don't attend traditional school) for which I have appointments/conferences twice a week, and a CEPT program class (as an adjunct faculty member at WKU) two days per week. That's an awfully busy schedule.  Don't forget the time I spend in faculty meetings and department meetings, the grading that sometimes has to come home with me, the planning I need to do for lessons, and the constant communication expectations with parents and students. Once my work obligations have been met, there's still a lot to do. (If you've ever wondered how I get to do the fun things I get to do on a public school teacher's salary, my crazy extra work schedule is your answer.)

While scrapbooking is still just a hobby of mine, I'm also working to transition a bit more into the business side of things. The couple of hours I spend weekly on my blog is evidence of that as is the twice a month minimum that I meet up with Tracie in order to tape our podcast. Sure, we have a great time when we're together and usually enjoy a nice dinner out, but it's work to prepare and make the podcast happen. If you add into that the time I need to actually try to be creative and scrapbook, you can see that there are lots of pulls on my time.

What about the fella? Relationships involve time and work, and I sometimes worry that he thinks he doesn't get enough attention. I want to be a good girlfriend, a fun one, but sometimes I'm so dang tired that I think I could fall asleep on the couch in the middle of House of Cards. I love to go places with him and do fun things, but inside I sometimes feel whiny because I didn't get enough sleep or have so much that I know I should be doing instead of just having fun or relaxing with him. He has some things that are about to take up quite a bit more of his time too, though, so I guess that will all even out a bit. I try not to borrow trouble, but being overscheduled sometimes feeds into a spiraling sense of doom.

Beyond jobs and hobbies and relationships, I have the same obligations that so many of you have - my house gets dirty and cluttered, my yard has to be wrangled into submission regularly, my dogs need attention, the laundry gets away from me, groceries need to be bought, appointments have to be scheduled and attended, bills have to be paid. I'm not telling y'all anything you don't already know, but it starts to feel a bit overwhelming if I dwell on it all too much.

Silly me - I also want time to sleep late on the weekends, rock on the patio, read a book or magazine for pleasure, work on another kind of crafty project, watch television with the fella, and maybe just meditate. I want to have time to meet Kelsey and chat or enjoy a long phone call with one of my besties or hang out and surf Pinterest for a couple of hours. (How in the world did I ever manage to raise a child and take care of a husband? I'm exhausted just thinking about it.) I want to be able to spend the evening with the fella and not need a list or my iPad to deal with something I didn't finish earlier. I want to be fully present in my moments of fun. Sometimes it feels like I overschedule myself to the point that the fun things aren't possible or I feel guilty about them.

In the wintertime, I feel less guilty about the days I stay home and putter around in my pajamas. For some reason, the spring and summer don't work the same way for me because there's so much I could be doing outside in the gorgeous weather. I'm sure I feel this way partly because of the extra hustle and bustle that surrounds the end of the school year and the planning of a big trip, but I'm really hoping that my time abroad this summer allows me to be less scheduled and more relaxed. After all, y'all won't be able to track me down quite so easily with a few thousand miles and a seven hour time difference! Lol!

What do you do to keep from feeling overscheduled and overwrought? Maybe I need some of your pointers. :)

Paris - The Fears List

Ready for some real truth? I'm crazy excited about my trip to Paris, but there's a part of me that's sort of afraid too. In fact, I have a whole list of fears that are starting to make me feel equal parts nervous and giddy in the midst of my planning and exciting. Yes, it's very brave and adventurous and glamorous to spend 6 weeks abroad by myself. It's also the second or third most frightening thing I've ever done in my life. Something wonderful can also be incredibly overwhelming and scary.

In no particular order, here are the fears I'm struggling with right now and how I'm trying to deal with them.

1.  Fear: What if no one talks to me for 6 weeks? What if I make no friends? What if people are mean to me? What if I'm so lonely that I cry myself to sleep at night? (Pardon me while I spiral out of control here...)
     Solution: Be friendly. Say hello. Introduce myself to people, even other tourists. Go to Mass and coffee hour at the American Cathedral in Paris. Meet up with my pen pal - bonjour Caroline! Spend the week with my friend, Tonia, who's visiting mid-trip. Take risks in introducing myself; all people can do is ignore me. I can also Skype with my family and friends back home and keep myself company with y'all here on my blog. Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook can also help bridge the loneliness gap.

2.  Fear: What if I'm mugged or my belongings are stolen? What if I get sick or have an accident?
     Solution: Register with the State Department online, so they know where I am and when. Wear my road id bracelet - aka dead woman id bracelet. Have a system of checking in with my family and friends at home. Use a code work check in system with my family and friends. Keep copies of my documents both electronically and hard copy in different belongings for safekeeping. Purchase insurance. Use common sense and trust my instincts. Don't necessarily tell people that I encounter that I'm traveling alone.

3.  Fear: What if I get lost and/or disoriented?
     Solution: Calm down, duck into a cafe, and consult my map/phone/itinerary/etc. Ask my waiter for info. Do not act disoriented on the street as it makes me a target for people with less than honorable intentions. Ask for help from an older couple, a mother with a young child, or public official. Contact the person I'm renting the apartment from if needed. Make good decisions about when and where I go, how much I drink, and with whom I interact. Keep id and contact info on my person at all times - road id bracelet again. Stop, gather my wits, and then make my way home. I am not in a hurry; I can take all the time I need.

4.  Fear: What if I am unable to communicate in French at all? Or what if the French refuse to try to speak to me in French? Or what if I need to communicate something important and can't get someone to understand/help me?
     Solution: Keep trying. Practice my southern-accented French. Nod graciously and continue in English if requested. Don't get offended if they laugh or are impatient with me. When in doubt, write down what I need or use the translator function on my phone.

5.  Fear: What if I run out of money? What if I can't afford to do all the things I want to do? What if I end up with a lot of debt as a result of this trip?
     Solution: Create a budget and stick to it. Skimp in one place in order to have enough money to do something extra. Try to find ways to have fun and explore that are free. Have multiple options for paying for items while I'm there. Do not keep all of my money or cards in a single location on my person. Have an emergency plan in place with my family back home if needed. Keep up with expenses daily to make sure the trip of a lifetime doesn't result in the debt of a lifetime. Make decisions that will allow me to have a good time without being too terribly extravagant. Eat at the apartment sometimes; it won't kill me to make an omelette or a grilled cheese.

There you have it - my fears list for my upcoming trip. What would you be afraid of if you traveled abroad alone? I'm sure there's something I should worry about that I haven't thought of yet. Hahaha!

My Mother's Voice - a reflection of Mother's Day

Do you hear your mother's voice in your head? I know I do. My mom has been gone for a little more than 13 years now, and I can hear some of the things she used to say to me as clearly as if she were standing in front of me. I think that all of us, but most especially women, have our mother's voice somewhere deep in our consciousness. Doesn't that voice rear its head at the oddest times? A memory of my own mother's voice might be spurred by something on television, or a conversation with my daughter, or even a familiar scent or image. She might be gone from my life physically, but her memory and her impact is certainly still very present in my life.

For some of us, that's a wonderful memory because our mothers were guides and teachers who cheered us on and loved us unconditionally. For others of us, those voices can be painful because our mothers were flawed individuals who made mistakes in their own lives and in parenting us. Honestly, I think most of us have mothers who were mixtures of both. Some of you might think that's a radical thing to say aloud, but I don't think seeing our parents as mixtures of good and bad, right and wrong, flawed and trying are bad things. While there is a tendency to romanticize the memories we have of those who are gone, I work really hard to take the best parts of my mother and emulate them and to take the worst parts of my mother and learn from or avoid them. That effort has definitely impacted the kind of person I am today and the kind of parent I was (am) to my daughter.

As I was thinking about writing this blog post, I thought it might be fun to make a list of the things I remember my mother saying to me and to ask my daughter to do the same. I wanted to know what she remembers hearing me say, not what I remember telling her. I think there's a significant difference between the two. Here are a handful of those memories.

I hear these words in my inner voice, the voice of my mother:

Whenever I was in trouble - "Tiffany Lynn Lowder, come here right now." variation "Young lady, come here right now."

When I would dawdle or hem and haw about the first request - "Don't make me come after you. When I call your name, come right away. If I say jump, you say how high!"

Pretty much constantly - "You are the smartest, prettiest, sweetest daughter I could ever want. You can do anything you want to do with your life."

When I'd be an obnoxious kid - "I'm going to count to three, and then you'd better straighten up, or I'll jerk a knot in you."

From my teenage years - "Don't you do anything to embarrass this family. Your reputation matters."

From my childhood onward - "We wash our clothes but shampoo our hair. We paint houses and polish our nails." There were more, but those are the two that stand out in my memory.

When I was pouting or otherwise angry "Don't you roll those eyes at me, young lady; I see what you're doing."

On teaching me how to be a good person "There are two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you're not a taker."

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Here's a photo of Kelsey at age 5 - for some reason, this is the age I often picture her as in my mind's eye.

 And here's a photo of me from yesterday. In my mom's pic and mine, we are the same age - 43.

My daughter says that she hears my voice telling her:

Anytime she was wearing something stained, ripped or unacceptable - "People are going to think you're an orphan."

On the weekends when I didn't want to be awakened too early - "Don't wake me up before the clock says 8-0-0 unless you're bleeding."

Just a couple of weeks ago when we went to the ballet - "It's unsophisticated to fill your wine glass to the brim- only half at a time."

Ever since she was a toddler and would complain about feeling any kind of sick - "When was the last time you pooped? I think you just need to go to the bathroom."  

Daily, just because - "I love you, Fred!"

From her teenage years - "You gave me Tourette's when I taught you how to drive a stick. I thought you were trying to kill me!"

Her entire childhood whenever I'd mention something from school or something risque - "You know you should never repeat this, right?"

Whenever she did anything wrong or embarrassing or questionable or whenever she adopted a bad habit - "You didn't get that from me."

Ever since she was 16 years old whenever she experienced any kind of car trouble  - "Is your car out of gas? Tell me the truth. Are you sure?"

Ever since she was a teenager and could borrow them - "Do you still have my credit/debit card or did you lose it? Be honest."

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I had honestly hoped Kelsey would choose something more profound that she remembered I said. Instead, it seems like she remembers a lot of the nagging and not as many as the inspirational things. How about all the times I told her it cost her nothing to be kind? How about all the times I told her to listen and be a good friend? What about all the times I encouraged her to do the right thing even when her friends were not? I'm going to try not to dwell on that and instead be glad that she at least remembers some of my 'wise' words. ;)

What does your mother's voice say to you? What lessons do you take from that even today?

Operation Landscape Control

May, otherwise known as the time of year I must face the jungle my backyard has managed to become in the 45 days or so it's been since we last had snow... You might thing I'm joking, but things can get out of control back there quickly. My house lot is just under an acre total and is right in a neighborhood in the city limits, so it's not a lot of land. It is as much as I can possibly handle though.

Here's a strategically posed selfie from a couple of weeks ago; y'all can't tell that it's a jungle back there, can you? Well, it was - just in the areas you can't see. Hahaha!

This past Sunday, the fella came over, chainsaw in hand, and cut up three giant limbs that had fallen over the winter in my backyard. He chopped and loaded the heavy stuff into my lawn wagon while I picked up sticks and drove the wagon around to the curb for unloading. For three hours or so, we both worked pretty hard AND HE DIDN'T COMPLAIN, NOT EVEN ONCE!!! Do y'all know how rare that is? At least it has been with the men in my life prior to this point...lesson in point, right?

Of course, the chopping and stacking was really just step 1 in my 'reclaim the backyard' movement. On Sunday, I also worked on clearing the three inch depth of wet and decaying leaves off of my patio that had fallen since Christmas. The fella spent the rest of his time using giant handheld weedwhackers on the little trees and bushes that had sprouted up this spring season. Once we'd made a good attempt at that, I called it a day. I'd had enough manual labor evidenced by the beginning formation of callouses on my delicate hands. I wish I were joking.

Here's the ginormous pile of brush we accumulated to put at my curb. It was way bigger than it looks in this picture. (Why does that strike me as something a man might say? ;)...)

On Monday after school, I forced myself to come home that evening and mow the backyard. Who wants to do that after working all day? More importantly, who wants to do that on a beautiful weekend? Workday work was the winner then. I'm probably the only person you'll meet who mows her lawn in a dress from school, but I was like, "Why dirty up something else?" Yes, seriously. Time to get to work, I told myself. After all, I needed to chop up all those decayed leaves I'd swept off into the yard, and things were starting to get pretty bushy lawn-wise 'round back. I don't really mind mowing in and of itself. I have a riding lawnmower, so it can be a pretty Zen-like experience if I put in my headphones and just allow myself to be lulled by the sound of the blades and the scent of the fresh-cut grass. When the weather is mild, it's actually an enjoyable experience. (In July, when it's 104 degrees at 7 pm, I don't care for that Zen experience quite so much.)

Check out Charlie-dog watching me mow the grass as he hid in a flower bed behind the garage that has been sorely neglected. Yes, those are weeds all around him. I told y'all that my backyard was a work in progress, okay?  I don't get many pics of him because he's usually moving or doing something annoying, but I guess I love him a little bit.

As I mowed, I realized two important things.

First, my lawn is a veritable minefield of poisonous plants. Check out all the pesky plants of evil poison I found as I cut the grass. (At least I'm pretty sure they're poisonous. Isn't it, leaves of 3 leave them be and leaves of 5 cause you to hive? Idk how accurate that is, but they just look like they're itching to, well, make me itch.) Have I ever told y'all about the time I had poison ivy for THREE FRIGGIN' MONTHS one summer? Oh, no? Well, we'll save that for another rant at another time. (And yes, I do see a lot of leaves there too. Dang those giant trees of mine! I never get all of the leaves picked up.)

What in the world should I use to get rid of them? I'll have to wear long sleeves, long pants, socks, and gloves to even try to treat the dang things. I'm THAT allergic to yard fauna and flora.

Second, my peonies are starting to bloom. Happy, happy, joy, joy. The bud that hasn't fully opened makes me happy, but I love that fully opened flower the best. They're just a fabulous shade of blush, almost like the color of a newborn's cheeks. If I could just figure out how to totally denude the peonies of ants without denuding their blossoms, then my life would be complete. Also, notice how I managed to use nude twice in the sentence just before this one. I crack myself up because I'm 12 years old on the inside...on a good day. Let's face it: I'm afraid to bring the flowers indoors because of the ant factor. I'm soooo not a fan of critters.

Sidebar - anybody ever notice how risque the stamen and pistil of a flower are? I guess I'd never really thought about it. Wowsa - it's getting like National Geographic up in here. ;)

On the happy note of peonies, I think I'll stop my update of Operation Landscape Control at Maison de Lowder. This weekend, I plan to continue to beat my yard into submission. Stay tuned for another update soon!

Peace out my gardening peeps.

Travel Thursdays - To Buy for Paris

Since my trip itself will be quite expensive, I'm trying not to buy too much before I go. There are a few things that I really do want/need though. With right at a month to go before I leave, I should probably get busy on finding these items.

Here's my current to-buy list:

1. Super dark, straight legged or skinny, comfortable jeans                                        
          I don't want any decoration on them other than plain back pockets, no embroidery or bling. I'd like for them to be slightly stretchy but not so much so that they lose their shape. I'd rather not have to suck in anything in order to wear them. And I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on them. No mom-jeans please, but I don't want to deal with super low-rise muffin-top issues either. Do you have any idea how much I dread looking for these? I despise trying on jeans in stores because I get so hot and grouchy. There will have to be cocktails after this experience, and maybe beforehand too.

2.  Comfortable, nude, strapless bra (or convertible strap bra)
          This is a little bit like searching for a Yeti or something, but I haven't lost faith that it's possible. Ordinarily, I purchase my bras at Lane Bryant because I have to have some serious hardware to hold up these ladies. (For the good of children everywhere, these babies cannot sway loosely in the breeze.) I do not like their strapless bras though. They're either so tight I can't function or they've lost their oomph and leave me looking like a tribal woman in National Geographic. In Mexico recently, I seriously considered taking off my strapless bra at dinner because I felt like I couldn't breathe or move. One more mojito, and I might have done it. Other strapless bras that I've tried in the past have been woefully unsupportive. Anybody have any suggestions for me? I'm unwilling to spend even a single moment in Paris feeling like I'm wearing a torture device in the form of a corset, but I do plan on taking some strappy sundresses with me for hot weather.

3.  Soft sided carry-on bag - leaning toward a Vera Bradley carpet style bag
           I know that I cannot manage two wheeled suitcases in the airport or even in getting to the taxi stand. I also don't want a carryon so large that it hurts my back to carry it to/from the plane. I'll mainly be putting my electronic items in the bag, so a quilted one with pockets would be both convenient and safe for my items. As such, I have my eye on a soft sided, quilted carry-on bag like they sell at the nearby Vera Bradley outlet. Tracie recently picked one up on clearance that I covet, so I feel confident I could go there and find something I love. While the floral, quilted look might be a bit passe these days, (Why can't I find a way to put an accent mark on passe...oh well, I digress.) I think it would make a good addition to my travel luggage for my particular needs.

4.  Floral kimono-style jacket
           This is totally just a "want" on my list, but I've had my eye on the floral kimono-style jackets the kids are wearing right now. (Yes, hanging out with teenagers definitely rubs off on me.) Ideally, I'd like a pastel, watercolor, floral print that has fringe at the bottom and hits mid-thigh. I've found a few that I like, but they didn't come close to meeting across my chest. Let's face it: juniors clothing is not made for serious boobage like I have. I did see some women's options at Kohl's online, but they all seemed a bit dowdy and short for what I want. Yes, I've seen more adult selections that I really like online, but I'd rather not pay close to $100 for something that I see as a trendy item. The search continues...

5.  Instax camera case
           I've decided to take my Instax camera with me since I'd like to be able to print a few photos while I'm there and am working on my memory planner. I don't have a case for it yet, so that's definitely something I want to snag before I leave. I also plan to buy a few containers of film. Anybody know what the TSA rules are re: film these days? I haven't traveled by air with film in more than a decade.

6.  Beats headphones
           Honestly, I don't know if I'll spring for this purchase or not. At about $150 on sale, they seem a little bit of a splurge before a big trip like this. But then I ask myself, when else would I want to  have expensive headphones except on a super long flight? This one is still up in the air. I'll get back to you on what I decide.

There you have it, my to-buy list for my Paris trip. Do any of you have suggestions for these items? Any brands that you love? Talk to me, people.  :)

Au revoir, mon amis!

Real life lessons

yesterday, I started a new unit with my seniors. After hearing them complain bitterly about panicking at the thought of being on their own in a few months, I realized their panic came from ignorance. They are suddenly aware of all the things they don't know how to do to function in our society. On Thursday, I asked them to turn in the 5 things that stressed them out most about being on their own after graduation. Among the top issues - roommate questions, banking questions, and time management worries. During the last month if school, I'm going to try to address their questions daily to help them feel more confident about entering the world of adulthood. Yesterday, we talked about debit cards vs. credit cards and opening up their first bank account. Even though these are generally upper middle class kids planning on going to college, they feel woefully ill-prepared about real world skills. Don't just call me an English teacher; apparently, I'm a life-teacher. Mire to come on this in the coming weeks, but first, what do you remember not knowing how to do at that age? I'd love to be able to compare the worries then and now.

Random crafty thoughts & yumminess

Disclaimer: I haven't been feeling crafty at all. Like, not at all. I have all kinds of great supplies and great ideas, but I have zero energy and zero follow-through. Am I supposed to tell you that? Does that crush your dreams? I mean, I know I'm supposed to be a crafty blogger (kind of), but I guess it's still normal for me to struggle with the creative process.

This weekend, Tracie and I are taping a podcast about stamping. Check out the lovely little stamps I bought recently. They were on sale and delicious, so I bought them. I'm not especially good at stamping; I'm definitely not confident about my stamping abilities, and yet I have a hard time passing them up in the store. These are from Jillibean Soup and Heidi Swapp; I snagged them on sale at Michael's and paid less than $3 for each one.

I also scored some really intricately cut pieces of very thin wood that have great messages on them. I envision using these somehow in a mini-album. A while back, Heidi Swapp made a mini-album with a wooden frame as the cover; I imagine using these in kind of the same way. Wouldn't the embrace the journey one be a perfect one for a mini-album about a teenager or about a change in job or about a personal 'journey' in terms of weight-loss or self-acceptance or a new skill or something? I think the create one would be great for a mini-album about your crafty goals or projects or pinterest attempts or even inspiration pieces. Oh, and if embrace or create is your OLW, these would be perfect for an album about that too!

Right now, I'm loving all of the laser cut wood pieces that are super popular. Check out these yummy items from Heidi Swapp that I snagged at JoAnn's and Michael's over the last few weeks. I think they are just delish!

Finally, I'm currently in love with gold. (This is big for me, since I've always been a silver girl.) These days, I can't get enough of anything gold whether it's in my costume jewelry, my home decor, or my scrapbooking supplies. These new Heidi Swapp items with gold (foil!) trim are my current faves. I can't wait to use them in an actual project, if I can just find some motivation to actually get busy and get to making...

How are you doing on your crafty to do list? Anybody else struggling with their mojo right now? Please tell me I'm not alone... :(