You might remember that my daughter recently became engaged to her long-time boyfriend, Jake. They've set a date for the wedding - October 1st, 2016.
Let me just say that planning a wedding is a crazy, crazy thing that brings out the crazy, crazy in everyone. I should also mention that I'm not the planner. Since Kelsey and Jake are paying for their wedding on their own, they're also making all of the decisions for it. And already, Kelsey is discovering that men can have significant opinions at the most inconvenient of times. She's also discovering that her budget will limit her options. Finally, she's discovering that there are all kinds of etiquette choices and considerations to be made about every single aspect of planning a wedding.
While many brides are lucky enough to have their fathers pay for their weddings, Kelsey doesn't have that luxury. It may be a bit unconventional, but I maintain that planning and paying for their own wedding may become a pivotal moment in both of their journeys to adulthood. As such, it also means that I can only offer advice rather than take control of the event. It is their wedding, not mine. The decisions are theirs when the budget is theirs.
While I'm not taking charge of anything, I have been pleased that Kelsey has asked me for some advice in the process. She might not ultimately listen to anything I've said, but I'm honored that she respects my knowledge and opinion enough to ask. (And, yes, sometimes we fight about my information because it's not what she wanted to hear, but I think that's pretty common between mothers and daughters.) In order to help her a bit beyond just advice, I did purchase her wedding dress for her. She found a lovely, 50s style dress on Etsy and ordered it to be custom sewn. She received it a couple of weeks ago, and we are both VERY pleased with the result. While there will still need to be some alterations completed, the dress itself is exactly what she wanted.
She has a fiance. She has an engagement ring. She has a wedding date. And she has a wedding dress. Everything else is just extra, right?
I'll keep repeating that to myself every time she calls me in some kind of panic or frenzy. Every. single. time.
Everything else is just extra. Everything else is just extra. Everything else is just extra. Everything else...
Her dress is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteIt's times like these that I'm so glad that my son and his wife decided on a courthouse wedding last year. :-)
Yes, I can see the advantage of a courthouse wedding in terms of cost and stress. That's not what my girl wants though, so I'll try to hang in there. :)
DeleteWow - that's a beauty of a dress! Weddings - as I told my niece - she will never remember her $30,000 wedding any more fondly than I will remember my $800 wedding. It's not about the money. It's about the love and the day. Spoken from a woman who celebrated her 35 wedding anniversary last October.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree!
DeleteShe is getting married on my husband's bday. Which means nothing other than I will probably think about her that day and add a pray for their day and life together. The dress is lovely. I was just having a conversation with some young girls at my church about remembering what the day is about and it is not Pinterest and The Knot. I think my best friend would have shot the creator of those two websites if she had met them while planning my goddaughter's wedding! Seek the joy mom. Seek the joy.
ReplyDeleteSo true, so true - let's just say that "Say Yes to the Dress" has been showing up as my #1 Netflix recommendation for months, and I DON'T WATCH IT. hahaha!
DeleteOooo that is lovely. And I have always maintained that all the decisions are theirs, the bride's and groom's, even if the parents are footing the bill. If you are paying, setting the budget and only offering advice is the route to take, trying to dictate specific decisions often backfires. Easy for me to say since my kid's weddings are still a way off, (I think).
ReplyDeleteI try to have a mostly hands off approach, but I do have this habit of being honest when she asks my opinion. Sometimes that gets me in trouble, but sometimes she learns something she didn't know. Hopefully, it all evens out in the end, and she remembers my advice fondly in the long run.
DeleteThe marriage matters. The wedding doesn't. Seriously weddings in our culture have gotten ridiculously out of hand.
ReplyDeleteI find myself becoming constantly more curmudgeonly re weddings. My oldest son is engaged and really I can't bring myself to be very interested in wedding planning details even though FDIL is obsessed LOL
I'm a bit curmudgeonly about it all too, especially when her dreams and her budget aren't meshing like they should. I'm thankful she's making most decisions on her own because I'm already kind of sick about talking about it, and they've only been engaged for two months. :0
DeleteBoth may daughters married within 2 years of each other. Both were paid for by them with except for the dresses which we purchased. Lots of decisions and panic from time to time, but in the end, they were married even though there were last minute snafu's and decisions on unexpected concerns. My attitude was the same as yours..."Its your wedding, what do you want to do?" I was secretly thrilled to be asked for advice, but careful what I offered and bit my tongue more than once with each of them. Overall, it was a lovely experience both the prep and the weddings and I am glad to have the pictures and the memories. Enjoy each and every moment of it.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, yes. That's exactly how I feel and exactly how it all works out. Thanks for reassuring me that it's possible. :)
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