Thursday, February 27, 2014


Knee-deep. For the past couple of weeks, I've felt knee-deep in work. Work that pays the bills. Work that fills my days. Work that defines me to a large degree. Ever try teaching the documented essay to a group of 15 year olds with very short attention spans and little real-life experience?  Ever try teaching the poetry of the Romantic Age to a bunch of 18 year olds battling a real case of senioritis? I love it, but I'm tired. This has been a long third quarter, a long winter. I'm knee-deep at work, and it's about to get worse. I can sense the 80 impending essays looming just over the horizon... Plus, I'm knee-deep putting out fires in the adult night class I teach, keeping up with grading and discussions in the virtual high school history classes I teach, and planning the logistics of the Europe trip I have scheduled for June.

Knee-deep in responsibility. All the regular stuff adult type people have to do -> taxes and dishes and bills and yard work and laundry and household type things are kind of overwhelming me this week. My laundry room looks like an episode of hoarders, and I'm the only one at my house! :0  My refrigerator may soon be condemned by a hazmat team. :(  The enormous pile of limbs I've accumulated along the fence in the backyard this winter isn't going to move itself. These obstacles aren't insurmountable but I just think of them and am exhausted. The worst part? I'm responsible for making it happen and getting it done. Just. Me. 

Knee-deep in relationships. This is a good thing but is overwhelming nonetheless. I'm a parent, a teacher, a colleague, a daughter, a friend, a mentor...maybe even a girlfriend. (This is new and exciting!) I have an online existence and a 3 dimensional one, local ties and long-distance ones. I have ties to protect and nurture, people who need me. Really, I do love the fullness of my life and the people with whom I share it, but time seems in short supply. I say yes too often. I have a hard time saying no, especially to fun things. Sleep often gets pushed aside in favor of fun. Chores do too. Tonight, I'm heading to a ball game with my 'boo thang' instead of working on laundry. Do I feel guilty? Nah. Do I feel tired? Definitely. 

Knee-deep in creative frustration. I haven't made time to putter around in my 'studio' for several days, and I miss it. I want to play with pretty paper and get my hands dirty with ink or paint. I'd like to make something I'm proud of ... I need more of that in my life. Unfortunately, I'm letting the rest of my life prevent me from something I love. Must do better! For some reason, it's easier to just veg out on the couch than to head to my studio space to work. I'm knee-deep in ideas and plans, but not the act of creating. Maybe I need to schedule creativity like I schedule conferences.

Right now I'm trying to resist the urge to crawl under the covers and watch netflix for the next three days. Maybe I'll mark a few things off my knee-deep to do list between work and fun tonight. Maybe that list will just get longer. Either way, this is my life right now. I'm living knee-deep. 

(I'm thinking this might need to be translated onto an all about me layout...) Peace out!

No comments:

Post a Comment