Don't take my "Southern woman of a certain age" card away from me or anything, but I don't really like gardening. This is the time of year when any Southerner worth her salt is out in the yard making an effort. Sure, your husband might do the trimming and mowing, but it's women who generally seem to care about the flowers 'round here. While I do ask the fella to help me with the occasional home project - usually involving plumbing or critters or heavy things - I don't think asking him to take on my yard will work. He has a yard of his own to deal with, so, too, must I deal with mine. As such, I thought I'd share with you my truest thoughts about yard work...
You've heard of a baker's dozen? Well, here's a gardener's dozen of my observations...
1. I love hanging baskets, but I hate the way the water trickles down my arm and into my blouse when I water them.
2. I love driving up to a well-manicured lawn and pops of color in my landscape, but it's an awful lot of work to make it happen.
3. I don't like getting sweaty and dirty.
4. I don't like bugs or worms or things that fly around unseen. In fact, it's not unusual to hear me randomly scream as I'm working in my flowerbeds; the neighbors are used to it by now.
5. I don't like manure or the way mulch smells when it warms up under the sun.
6. Speaking of mulch, I refuse to shovel any more of it. Neighbor children will be hired for these future endeavors.
7. I don't like sticking my butt up in the air as I work in my flowerbeds, but I really don't like getting on my knees with pebbles and dirt and critters and sticks leaving their mark in my flesh.
8. I don't like how much pretty flowers and green plants cost, but every year I shell out hundreds of dollars in an effort to prettify my front yard.
9. I don't like how much shade I have in my yard; it's hard to find gorgeous flowering plants that love the shade.
10. I don't like using chemicals in my flowerbeds because of my pets, but I also don't like the giant slugs that seem to enjoy my plants so much. (I'm telling you; you could throw these things on a dinner plate and eat them. Yuck!)
11. I don't like working in the blazing sun (yes, it's hot here often as early as April), but working after sundown means the mosquitoes eat you alive.
12. There's a Zen quality to doing the watering as long as the hose doesn't kink up and the mosquitoes stay at bay; I don't mind the watering too much until July and August arrive.
13. I don't really like annuals because you don't get that much bang for your buck or your work, but I do love perennials that shove their verdant fronds up through the earth for me magically each year.
At least I don't have to do anything for this gorgeous tulip tree to show off in my front yard. Other than that, there is much work to be done though.
To put it succinctly: I like the results, but I don't like the work. Now, tell me how you really feel.